Not Quite Sure What This Is

I don't think the makers of this were, either.

Whatever You Do...

Buy her the "good" chocolate, not this stuff. Nothing says "I can't be bothered" like a box of dollar store chocolates with fake roses on it.

Frosty Meets Liberace

Why is Frosty wearing Santa's Vegas suit?

Someone needs to tell him that snowmen and sequins just don't mix.

Need a Way to Hide Your Cheap Booze?

Buy a set of holiday-themed "Novelty Bottle Labels"!

With names like "Reindeer Fuel", "mistle-tonic" and "Elf Nog", your friends will never know it's not the good stuff!

Island of Misfit Decorations

These are just a few of the festive items available in the holiday decor section of my local Deal$ store. It looks more like the Island of Misfit Decorations, as more people pick through items and leave stuff broken and tossed around on the shelves.

It looks like the aftermath of a Harrow's "Day After Christmas Sale". Remember those? My sister and I went to our local Harrow's (which, coincidentally, is located almost right next-door to our favorite Big Lots) to look at their holiday items. We had one word for it - scary! It didn't look anything like this.

Not sure who would want a blue metal tabletop tree. I'm sure there's someone, though. I wasn't sure who'd want all the 18 inch tabletop foil trees, either, until I saw a woman walking out with a shopping cart full of the things. Glad I'm not on her Christmas list!

Manger in a Box

Actually, it's an "8 pc Mini Nativity Set", yours for only ONE whole dollar! It's really mini, too. It would be perfect if you wanted a Manger on the front lawn of your Barbie's Dream House, but that's about it.

This may be cute, but in my house, "8 pc Mini Nativity Set" = "8 New Cat TOYS!". Somehow, I don't think the mini Holy Family would appreciate being covered in cat spit.

And for the Latest in Holiday Door Decor...

To go with your "Frosty Does the Holidays" collection, we have these gorgeous new snowman doorknob covers!

I'm guessing that these are not for doorknobs that you actually plan on turning, as Frosty's nose might get in the way of such efforts. Definitely not for the bathroom door, that's for sure!

If You Thought Charlie Brown's Christmas Tree Was Sad...

These "ornaments" are even sadder! Crocheted Christmas trees to put on your Christmas tree. I wonder who thought of that?

After the holidays, you can use them as doilies.

For Those Who Can't Afford PEZ

It's KLIK, the crooked branch of the Flakey family tree!

Not only do you get this imitation PEZ candy dispenser for your dollar, you get "A Double KLIK of Candies", too!

Although, if the knock-off PEZ dispenser looks this bad, I can't begin to imagine what the "Double KLIK of Candies" must taste like! Probably like cardboard-flavored cat treats.
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Make Your Own Nativity

It's the "3-D Foam Craft Kit Nativity Scene", aka "Jesus Does South Park".

This is so wrong, that I just had to buy one for my apartment. I'm in the process of putting it together, and it's about halfway done. It's definitely not as easy as it looks on the box! The roof's drying on the manger, Jesus is glued to his crib, Mary's hands kept sliding off, and Joseph looks like "Bob the Builder of Bethlehem". There's a not-so-great picture of it's progress here.

It looks like we may need a visit from "Extreme Makeover: Manger Edition". The place is structurally unsound and should be condemned.

Got Gift Cards?

Behold, this stunning gift card holder!

The perfect accessory for keeping all of those holiday gift cards in one, easy-to-find, neon green place!

Man, those dollar store folks think of everything, don't they?

It's "flakey, The Silly Snowman"!

This is the member of the Snowman family that no one talks about.

He's the one you see around the neighborhood doing odd menial jobs, like raking leaves and shoveling snow, with a permanent dopey smile on his face.

He's the "Special K" of the bunch, if you get my drift. (Get it? Snow... drift??? Ha, ha, ha!)

Claus, the Red-Nosed Santa???

Someone's been hitting the egg nog a bit early this year.

I hate to break it to them, but it seems they have their Christmas stories mixed up. Santa's not the one with the light-up nose, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is.

Why anyone would want a blinking Santa nose is beyond me. It looks more like a black light bulb from a head shop. Guess that's why it's in the dollar store.

Surprise!

All Santa brought you was this cheap dollar store Christmas stocking!

It's the "Christmas Surprise" stocking, filled with a bunch of cheap, crappy candy and cheaper, crappier toys.

Now This is Different...

I'm not sure if this is a moose, or a really bad attempt at a reindeer.

At any rate, beware of "moose deer" bearing gifts. Especially when it's wearing a Santa hat, scarf, lined boots and a pair of truly awful, fugly plaid pants!

I told you this was different! When was the last time you saw a moose wearing holiday plaid pants??? Exactly.

Have Yourself a Tiny Little Christmas

Can anyone guess why these are only a dollar??? I mean, beside the fact that they're only about a half inch tall each, and look like something that came out of the Christmas Crafts DVD series.

Could it be the Star of David That Ate Bethlehem in the miniature manger? Or The Three Wise Snowmen???

Not on MY Door!

A "36-inch Jointed Figure" of a turkey in a dress. The turkey isn't the only thing that's jointed. I'd like to know what kind of joints they were smoking when they came up with this idea.

There's actually an entire line of "36-inch Jointed Figures" with several for each holiday. There were tons of them left over after Halloween. You know something's bad when the dollar store can't even get rid of it! So, then, why did they turn around and stock up on the Christmas ones?

This is Just Nuts

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LOOK!!! It's Albert Einstein!!!

Wait, it gets worse.

Would anyone care to guess what a Nutcraker is? Doesn't sound like something I'd want done to my nuts! Sounds like a James Bond holiday movie - "See 007 battle evil walnuts in Nutcraker!"

A Lightbulb Moment

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Okay, I think these are supposed to look like fake light bulbs. But, it looks like there was a problem with the mold they used. Either that, or they use some really weird looking light bulbs wherever these were made.

I don't know that I'd ever put these on my tree, but they'd make some pretty cool earrings...

How to "Holiday-ize" Anything

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You, too, can make any ordinary household item festive.

Just take a sprig of fake pine from an old artificial Christmas tree, glue or twist it around the item, and VOILA! You now have an elegant piece of holiday decor!

You'll be the envy of all your friends and neighbors!