Elvis Has Left the Building

And is now available as a Christmas tree ornament for the low price of $9.99!

It'll fit right in with your black velvet paintings, collector's plates and other Elvis memorabilia.

I'm guessing this line of ornaments is very popular around Graceland.

For Those Who Can't Afford PEZ

It's KLIK, the crooked branch of the Flakey family tree!

Not only do you get this imitation PEZ candy dispenser for your dollar, you get "A Double KLIK of Candies", too!

Although, if the knock-off PEZ dispenser looks this bad, I can't begin to imagine what the "Double KLIK of Candies" must taste like! Probably like cardboard-flavored cat treats.
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Make Your Own Nativity

It's the "3-D Foam Craft Kit Nativity Scene", aka "Jesus Does South Park".

This is so wrong, that I just had to buy one for my apartment. I'm in the process of putting it together, and it's about halfway done. It's definitely not as easy as it looks on the box! The roof's drying on the manger, Jesus is glued to his crib, Mary's hands kept sliding off, and Joseph looks like "Bob the Builder of Bethlehem". There's a not-so-great picture of it's progress here.

It looks like we may need a visit from "Extreme Makeover: Manger Edition". The place is structurally unsound and should be condemned.

Got Gift Cards?

Behold, this stunning gift card holder!

The perfect accessory for keeping all of those holiday gift cards in one, easy-to-find, neon green place!

Man, those dollar store folks think of everything, don't they?

Have a Holly Jolly Hat

And not just any hat! It's a "Singing Animated Elf Hat"!

It "Plays Christmas Song", too!

The perfect gift for the "Special Ks" in your family!

It's "flakey, The Silly Snowman"!

This is the member of the Snowman family that no one talks about.

He's the one you see around the neighborhood doing odd menial jobs, like raking leaves and shoveling snow, with a permanent dopey smile on his face.

He's the "Special K" of the bunch, if you get my drift. (Get it? Snow... drift??? Ha, ha, ha!)

Claus, the Red-Nosed Santa???

Someone's been hitting the egg nog a bit early this year.

I hate to break it to them, but it seems they have their Christmas stories mixed up. Santa's not the one with the light-up nose, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is.

Why anyone would want a blinking Santa nose is beyond me. It looks more like a black light bulb from a head shop. Guess that's why it's in the dollar store.

Surprise!

All Santa brought you was this cheap dollar store Christmas stocking!

It's the "Christmas Surprise" stocking, filled with a bunch of cheap, crappy candy and cheaper, crappier toys.

The Nutcracker That Ate Bethlehem

Funny, I didn't even know they had nutcrackers in Bethlehem!

This one looks like it's getting ready to eat Baby Jesus for dinner! Notice Mary's melodramatic pose and facial expression.

Joseph, meanwhile, looks like he's blessing them both. Or is that Moses having a senior moment, trying to part the Red Sea?

Jesus was a Blonde???

Either that, or the Holy Family's got one heck of a case of hepatitis!

And, if you look real close (by clicking to enlarge the image) you can see that Baby Jesus appears to be wearing a bit of Revlon Red.

Another one from the "Baby Jesus in a Snowglobe" collection.

Now This is Different...

I'm not sure if this is a moose, or a really bad attempt at a reindeer.

At any rate, beware of "moose deer" bearing gifts. Especially when it's wearing a Santa hat, scarf, lined boots and a pair of truly awful, fugly plaid pants!

I told you this was different! When was the last time you saw a moose wearing holiday plaid pants??? Exactly.

Rock Around The Clock

I understand some people get totally into the holidays, but a Christmas Carol Clock???

By "12 Traditional Carols", I'm guessing that "Dominic The Donkey" and "Christmas Shoes" ain't on the list, thankfully. Fortunately, it has a darkness sensor so you're not waking up to "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" at 3am.

Something tells me that by or before December 10th, this clock gets ripped off the wall in most homes.

Have Yourself a Tiny Little Christmas

Can anyone guess why these are only a dollar??? I mean, beside the fact that they're only about a half inch tall each, and look like something that came out of the Christmas Crafts DVD series.

Could it be the Star of David That Ate Bethlehem in the miniature manger? Or The Three Wise Snowmen???

Not on MY Door!

A "36-inch Jointed Figure" of a turkey in a dress. The turkey isn't the only thing that's jointed. I'd like to know what kind of joints they were smoking when they came up with this idea.

There's actually an entire line of "36-inch Jointed Figures" with several for each holiday. There were tons of them left over after Halloween. You know something's bad when the dollar store can't even get rid of it! So, then, why did they turn around and stock up on the Christmas ones?

This is Just Nuts

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LOOK!!! It's Albert Einstein!!!

Wait, it gets worse.

Would anyone care to guess what a Nutcraker is? Doesn't sound like something I'd want done to my nuts! Sounds like a James Bond holiday movie - "See 007 battle evil walnuts in Nutcraker!"

A Lightbulb Moment

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Okay, I think these are supposed to look like fake light bulbs. But, it looks like there was a problem with the mold they used. Either that, or they use some really weird looking light bulbs wherever these were made.

I don't know that I'd ever put these on my tree, but they'd make some pretty cool earrings...

How to "Holiday-ize" Anything

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You, too, can make any ordinary household item festive.

Just take a sprig of fake pine from an old artificial Christmas tree, glue or twist it around the item, and VOILA! You now have an elegant piece of holiday decor!

You'll be the envy of all your friends and neighbors!

It Came from the Pottery Barn Outlet

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I'm not sure what this is made of, or why someone would go through the trouble of making it in the first place.

No wonder it's on sale in an outlet mall, and probably will be for eternity.

Oh, Holy Night!

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It's the entire Christmas story artfully depicted on a "scalloped lace tablecloth"!

I don't know about you, but I would feel just a teeny bit uncomfortable plonking down the platter of Christmas ham right smack on top of Baby Jesus' head.

Besides, whose holiday table is this devoid of stuff??? Do the people in this family only eat on one side of the table so they can gaze lovingly at their new tablecloth???

I think it's pretty funny that there's a note on the package stating that the accessories in the photo are not included. Although, I'm sure there's someone out there that would want their $5 back because the dishes and flatware weren't in there. There's always one!

This is Just Sad

This is supposed to be a door decoration. Is it just me, or does it look like a cheap toilet bowl cover? It's so cheap, the snowman can't afford a mouth!

As an added bonus, after Christmas is over, it can be used as a Frisbee.

I wonder if this is one of the projects featured on the "Wreaths" Christmas Crafts DVD?

Some Poor Soul's Going to Get Stuck...

Some poor soul's going to get stuck with the fruits of these. They're dollar store Christmas Crafts instructional DVDs. Now isn't that a scary thought???

Click on the image above to see just how scary this could get. Pay special attention to the Stockings DVD. You know you want one!!!