And What Holiday Would be Complete Without...

a larger-than-life-sized inflatable for your front yard??? This one even lights up and self-inflates in seconds!

What they don't show you is how they all eventually deflate, and leave your lawn looking like some sort of post-holiday CSI episode. (The episode with the plushies and furries comes to mind.)

.

Sometimes...

there are just no words...


and their counterpart:



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No Child Left

Without a stocking.

Looks like they made a few too many. You could outfit a small village with these!

It's the Attack of...

Robo-peeps!

Brought to you courtesy of the Pottery Barn Outlet at the Tanger Mall.

Frosty Meets Liberace

Why is Frosty wearing Santa's Vegas suit?

Someone needs to tell him that snowmen and sequins just don't mix.

Need a Way to Hide Your Cheap Booze?

Buy a set of holiday-themed "Novelty Bottle Labels"!

With names like "Reindeer Fuel", "mistle-tonic" and "Elf Nog", your friends will never know it's not the good stuff!

Island of Misfit Decorations

These are just a few of the festive items available in the holiday decor section of my local Deal$ store. It looks more like the Island of Misfit Decorations, as more people pick through items and leave stuff broken and tossed around on the shelves.

It looks like the aftermath of a Harrow's "Day After Christmas Sale". Remember those? My sister and I went to our local Harrow's (which, coincidentally, is located almost right next-door to our favorite Big Lots) to look at their holiday items. We had one word for it - scary! It didn't look anything like this.

Not sure who would want a blue metal tabletop tree. I'm sure there's someone, though. I wasn't sure who'd want all the 18 inch tabletop foil trees, either, until I saw a woman walking out with a shopping cart full of the things. Glad I'm not on her Christmas list!

Manger in a Box

Actually, it's an "8 pc Mini Nativity Set", yours for only ONE whole dollar! It's really mini, too. It would be perfect if you wanted a Manger on the front lawn of your Barbie's Dream House, but that's about it.

This may be cute, but in my house, "8 pc Mini Nativity Set" = "8 New Cat TOYS!". Somehow, I don't think the mini Holy Family would appreciate being covered in cat spit.

And for the Latest in Holiday Door Decor...

To go with your "Frosty Does the Holidays" collection, we have these gorgeous new snowman doorknob covers!

I'm guessing that these are not for doorknobs that you actually plan on turning, as Frosty's nose might get in the way of such efforts. Definitely not for the bathroom door, that's for sure!

If You Thought Charlie Brown's Christmas Tree Was Sad...

These "ornaments" are even sadder! Crocheted Christmas trees to put on your Christmas tree. I wonder who thought of that?

After the holidays, you can use them as doilies.

Holy Polar Bear on a Harley!

You thought I was kidding! It's a "Motorcycle Bear"!

Aside from the it being in a box decorated with snowflakes, and the gold snowflake emblem on the side of the bike, I'm not sure what this has to do with the holidays. It doesn't even play a holiday song! It plays "Born to be Wild" - which is definitely not in any holiday tune repetoire that I'm aware of.

(As for what bears have to do with Harleys, I am so not touching that one!)

Someone's Idea of Winter Wall Art

It's a patchwork snowman with his Christmas tree and a bunch of birds.

Why anyone would put this up on their wall is beyond me.

Is This Door Decor, or...

A festive billboard for a bordello?

If Charlie Brown Shopped at Big Lots

He'd probably buy this tree. Someone's taking the whole "Blue Christmas" thing a bit too seriously, don't ya think?

Don't worry, the $40 price tag is for the hideous full-size "pre-lit tree in urn with clear lights" next to it.

Don't Buy Yellow Snow

An animated dog, peeing on an animated, musical snowman. Just what you wanted, right?

You can see a more detailed picture of this on the Big Lots website here. One has to seriously wonder about the type of minds that came up with this idea.

But Wait...

It's another Elvis sighting!

This time it's a musical Elvis in a Santa suit! He plays "Here Comes Santa Claus" and "Santa Claus Is Back In Town", and it features real Elvis recordings!

Not only that, he also stands on his little stage, then begins to shake his famous hips! WOW!!!

Elvis Has Left the Building

And is now available as a Christmas tree ornament for the low price of $9.99!

It'll fit right in with your black velvet paintings, collector's plates and other Elvis memorabilia.

I'm guessing this line of ornaments is very popular around Graceland.

Make Your Own Nativity

It's the "3-D Foam Craft Kit Nativity Scene", aka "Jesus Does South Park".

This is so wrong, that I just had to buy one for my apartment. I'm in the process of putting it together, and it's about halfway done. It's definitely not as easy as it looks on the box! The roof's drying on the manger, Jesus is glued to his crib, Mary's hands kept sliding off, and Joseph looks like "Bob the Builder of Bethlehem". There's a not-so-great picture of it's progress here.

It looks like we may need a visit from "Extreme Makeover: Manger Edition". The place is structurally unsound and should be condemned.

Have a Holly Jolly Hat

And not just any hat! It's a "Singing Animated Elf Hat"!

It "Plays Christmas Song", too!

The perfect gift for the "Special Ks" in your family!

Claus, the Red-Nosed Santa???

Someone's been hitting the egg nog a bit early this year.

I hate to break it to them, but it seems they have their Christmas stories mixed up. Santa's not the one with the light-up nose, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is.

Why anyone would want a blinking Santa nose is beyond me. It looks more like a black light bulb from a head shop. Guess that's why it's in the dollar store.