Free Holiday Music at Amazon.com

Amazon.com is offering 25 Days of Free - Every day through December 25th, they will unveil a new song available to download free for a limited time.

All of the songs unveiled so far are still available for free downloading!

Frosty Meets Liberace

Why is Frosty wearing Santa's Vegas suit?

Someone needs to tell him that snowmen and sequins just don't mix.

Need a Way to Hide Your Cheap Booze?

Buy a set of holiday-themed "Novelty Bottle Labels"!

With names like "Reindeer Fuel", "mistle-tonic" and "Elf Nog", your friends will never know it's not the good stuff!

Island of Misfit Decorations

These are just a few of the festive items available in the holiday decor section of my local Deal$ store. It looks more like the Island of Misfit Decorations, as more people pick through items and leave stuff broken and tossed around on the shelves.

It looks like the aftermath of a Harrow's "Day After Christmas Sale". Remember those? My sister and I went to our local Harrow's (which, coincidentally, is located almost right next-door to our favorite Big Lots) to look at their holiday items. We had one word for it - scary! It didn't look anything like this.

Not sure who would want a blue metal tabletop tree. I'm sure there's someone, though. I wasn't sure who'd want all the 18 inch tabletop foil trees, either, until I saw a woman walking out with a shopping cart full of the things. Glad I'm not on her Christmas list!

Manger in a Box

Actually, it's an "8 pc Mini Nativity Set", yours for only ONE whole dollar! It's really mini, too. It would be perfect if you wanted a Manger on the front lawn of your Barbie's Dream House, but that's about it.

This may be cute, but in my house, "8 pc Mini Nativity Set" = "8 New Cat TOYS!". Somehow, I don't think the mini Holy Family would appreciate being covered in cat spit.

And for the Latest in Holiday Door Decor...

To go with your "Frosty Does the Holidays" collection, we have these gorgeous new snowman doorknob covers!

I'm guessing that these are not for doorknobs that you actually plan on turning, as Frosty's nose might get in the way of such efforts. Definitely not for the bathroom door, that's for sure!

If You Thought Charlie Brown's Christmas Tree Was Sad...

These "ornaments" are even sadder! Crocheted Christmas trees to put on your Christmas tree. I wonder who thought of that?

After the holidays, you can use them as doilies.

Holy Polar Bear on a Harley!

You thought I was kidding! It's a "Motorcycle Bear"!

Aside from the it being in a box decorated with snowflakes, and the gold snowflake emblem on the side of the bike, I'm not sure what this has to do with the holidays. It doesn't even play a holiday song! It plays "Born to be Wild" - which is definitely not in any holiday tune repetoire that I'm aware of.

(As for what bears have to do with Harleys, I am so not touching that one!)

Someone's Idea of Winter Wall Art

It's a patchwork snowman with his Christmas tree and a bunch of birds.

Why anyone would put this up on their wall is beyond me.

For the Fishermen Among Us...

It's "Santa's Gone Fishin'" with "Reel 'em in action"!

Apparently, there are some toy fish inside, in addition to the choking hazard-sized candies. Great for a holiday trip to the E.R.!

Geographically Incorrect

It's the John Deere holiday gift set! For the low Big Lots price of $6.00, you get a John Deere mug, some Nestle hot chocolate and a John Deere 2009 Desk Calendar! WOW!!!

Now, I could understand seeing this in a Big Lots someplace a bit more "agricultural", but in New York??? I doubt half the people who shop in this particular Big Lots even know who/what John Deere is! They probably think he's the "Bob the Builder" of the older kid set.

Is This Door Decor, or...

A festive billboard for a bordello?

If Charlie Brown Shopped at Big Lots

He'd probably buy this tree. Someone's taking the whole "Blue Christmas" thing a bit too seriously, don't ya think?

Don't worry, the $40 price tag is for the hideous full-size "pre-lit tree in urn with clear lights" next to it.

Don't Buy Yellow Snow

An animated dog, peeing on an animated, musical snowman. Just what you wanted, right?

You can see a more detailed picture of this on the Big Lots website here. One has to seriously wonder about the type of minds that came up with this idea.

But Wait...

It's another Elvis sighting!

This time it's a musical Elvis in a Santa suit! He plays "Here Comes Santa Claus" and "Santa Claus Is Back In Town", and it features real Elvis recordings!

Not only that, he also stands on his little stage, then begins to shake his famous hips! WOW!!!

Elvis Has Left the Building

And is now available as a Christmas tree ornament for the low price of $9.99!

It'll fit right in with your black velvet paintings, collector's plates and other Elvis memorabilia.

I'm guessing this line of ornaments is very popular around Graceland.

For Those Who Can't Afford PEZ

It's KLIK, the crooked branch of the Flakey family tree!

Not only do you get this imitation PEZ candy dispenser for your dollar, you get "A Double KLIK of Candies", too!

Although, if the knock-off PEZ dispenser looks this bad, I can't begin to imagine what the "Double KLIK of Candies" must taste like! Probably like cardboard-flavored cat treats.
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Make Your Own Nativity

It's the "3-D Foam Craft Kit Nativity Scene", aka "Jesus Does South Park".

This is so wrong, that I just had to buy one for my apartment. I'm in the process of putting it together, and it's about halfway done. It's definitely not as easy as it looks on the box! The roof's drying on the manger, Jesus is glued to his crib, Mary's hands kept sliding off, and Joseph looks like "Bob the Builder of Bethlehem". There's a not-so-great picture of it's progress here.

It looks like we may need a visit from "Extreme Makeover: Manger Edition". The place is structurally unsound and should be condemned.

Got Gift Cards?

Behold, this stunning gift card holder!

The perfect accessory for keeping all of those holiday gift cards in one, easy-to-find, neon green place!

Man, those dollar store folks think of everything, don't they?

Have a Holly Jolly Hat

And not just any hat! It's a "Singing Animated Elf Hat"!

It "Plays Christmas Song", too!

The perfect gift for the "Special Ks" in your family!

It's "flakey, The Silly Snowman"!

This is the member of the Snowman family that no one talks about.

He's the one you see around the neighborhood doing odd menial jobs, like raking leaves and shoveling snow, with a permanent dopey smile on his face.

He's the "Special K" of the bunch, if you get my drift. (Get it? Snow... drift??? Ha, ha, ha!)

Claus, the Red-Nosed Santa???

Someone's been hitting the egg nog a bit early this year.

I hate to break it to them, but it seems they have their Christmas stories mixed up. Santa's not the one with the light-up nose, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is.

Why anyone would want a blinking Santa nose is beyond me. It looks more like a black light bulb from a head shop. Guess that's why it's in the dollar store.

Surprise!

All Santa brought you was this cheap dollar store Christmas stocking!

It's the "Christmas Surprise" stocking, filled with a bunch of cheap, crappy candy and cheaper, crappier toys.

The Nutcracker That Ate Bethlehem

Funny, I didn't even know they had nutcrackers in Bethlehem!

This one looks like it's getting ready to eat Baby Jesus for dinner! Notice Mary's melodramatic pose and facial expression.

Joseph, meanwhile, looks like he's blessing them both. Or is that Moses having a senior moment, trying to part the Red Sea?

Jesus was a Blonde???

Either that, or the Holy Family's got one heck of a case of hepatitis!

And, if you look real close (by clicking to enlarge the image) you can see that Baby Jesus appears to be wearing a bit of Revlon Red.

Another one from the "Baby Jesus in a Snowglobe" collection.

Now This is Different...

I'm not sure if this is a moose, or a really bad attempt at a reindeer.

At any rate, beware of "moose deer" bearing gifts. Especially when it's wearing a Santa hat, scarf, lined boots and a pair of truly awful, fugly plaid pants!

I told you this was different! When was the last time you saw a moose wearing holiday plaid pants??? Exactly.

Rock Around The Clock

I understand some people get totally into the holidays, but a Christmas Carol Clock???

By "12 Traditional Carols", I'm guessing that "Dominic The Donkey" and "Christmas Shoes" ain't on the list, thankfully. Fortunately, it has a darkness sensor so you're not waking up to "God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen" at 3am.

Something tells me that by or before December 10th, this clock gets ripped off the wall in most homes.

Have Yourself a Tiny Little Christmas

Can anyone guess why these are only a dollar??? I mean, beside the fact that they're only about a half inch tall each, and look like something that came out of the Christmas Crafts DVD series.

Could it be the Star of David That Ate Bethlehem in the miniature manger? Or The Three Wise Snowmen???

Not on MY Door!

A "36-inch Jointed Figure" of a turkey in a dress. The turkey isn't the only thing that's jointed. I'd like to know what kind of joints they were smoking when they came up with this idea.

There's actually an entire line of "36-inch Jointed Figures" with several for each holiday. There were tons of them left over after Halloween. You know something's bad when the dollar store can't even get rid of it! So, then, why did they turn around and stock up on the Christmas ones?

This is Just Nuts

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LOOK!!! It's Albert Einstein!!!

Wait, it gets worse.

Would anyone care to guess what a Nutcraker is? Doesn't sound like something I'd want done to my nuts! Sounds like a James Bond holiday movie - "See 007 battle evil walnuts in Nutcraker!"

A Lightbulb Moment

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Okay, I think these are supposed to look like fake light bulbs. But, it looks like there was a problem with the mold they used. Either that, or they use some really weird looking light bulbs wherever these were made.

I don't know that I'd ever put these on my tree, but they'd make some pretty cool earrings...

How to "Holiday-ize" Anything

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You, too, can make any ordinary household item festive.

Just take a sprig of fake pine from an old artificial Christmas tree, glue or twist it around the item, and VOILA! You now have an elegant piece of holiday decor!

You'll be the envy of all your friends and neighbors!

It Came from the Pottery Barn Outlet

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I'm not sure what this is made of, or why someone would go through the trouble of making it in the first place.

No wonder it's on sale in an outlet mall, and probably will be for eternity.

Oh, Holy Night!

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It's the entire Christmas story artfully depicted on a "scalloped lace tablecloth"!

I don't know about you, but I would feel just a teeny bit uncomfortable plonking down the platter of Christmas ham right smack on top of Baby Jesus' head.

Besides, whose holiday table is this devoid of stuff??? Do the people in this family only eat on one side of the table so they can gaze lovingly at their new tablecloth???

I think it's pretty funny that there's a note on the package stating that the accessories in the photo are not included. Although, I'm sure there's someone out there that would want their $5 back because the dishes and flatware weren't in there. There's always one!

This is Just Sad

This is supposed to be a door decoration. Is it just me, or does it look like a cheap toilet bowl cover? It's so cheap, the snowman can't afford a mouth!

As an added bonus, after Christmas is over, it can be used as a Frisbee.

I wonder if this is one of the projects featured on the "Wreaths" Christmas Crafts DVD?

Some Poor Soul's Going to Get Stuck...

Some poor soul's going to get stuck with the fruits of these. They're dollar store Christmas Crafts instructional DVDs. Now isn't that a scary thought???

Click on the image above to see just how scary this could get. Pay special attention to the Stockings DVD. You know you want one!!!

Beware!

Beware the two-headed black cat wearing top hats!

One of the many wonderful home decor horrors found in Home Goods, the store for people who don't quite "get" Halloween.

Only 60 More Days to Halloween

Now that all of the "Back-to-School" displays are old news, it's time for Halloween!

This particular Halloween Horror is courtesy of Home Goods, where they take scary home decor to a whole new level.

Because Nativity Sets Weren't Enough...

Resurrection Figurine Set

Also known as "Jesus Christ Superstar Meets Thomas Kinkade".

Pay tribute to the importance of the season. This beautifully detailed figurine set depicts Christ gloriously rising from the grave on Easter morning. A striking LED light pours from the empty tomb signifying his resurrection. The awed onlookers include Mary Magdalen, an angel, 2 faithful disciples, a village woman, and a lamb. Requires 2 'AA' batteries. Each approx. 5'H.

Are the onlookers awed by "Christ gloriously rising from the grave", or by the "striking LED light" pouring from the empty tomb? My money would be on the LED light, since electricity hadn't even been discovered yet. What's next? The Veggie Tales version???